This is my kitchen window from the outside just now. It’s not Ivy, it’s Virginia Creeper which will soon turn a wonderful red, and later all the leaves and stalks will drop all over my patio. If I wanted to, I could keep it much better groomed or even get rid of it altogether. And, to be honest, there is a big part of me that thinks I ought to have a neater house, to keep nature under better control, and to let more light in. After all, this is the view from inside:
But really, that’s the point. I love being able to see nature really close, just the other side of the window, and I love the way it looks from the outside as if we are living in a tree. Another attraction is that Virginia Creeper always reminds me of my Cambridge College; when we arrived each October for the new academic year, and when we had our formal photographs taken in the gardens, there was always a stunning red backdrop formed by this creeper on the buildings.
So, as it’s my house, it’s my choice: shaggy or groomed. Everyone who has visited me knows we have no straight lines, no easy-clean surfaces and no minimalism. It’s a glorious mixture of a very, very ancient house and the chaotic, creative way that we like to live. When the Teenager was younger, his friends used to say that our house was like Ron Weesley’s house (from Harry Potter) and there certainly is more than a passing resemblance. I choose to embrace that atmosphere and, just at the moment, to sacrifice a little light for a lot of nature.
It does take courage and purpose, though. I’m guessing that most people know that it’s like to find the ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’ so compelling that they abandon what they would really, secretly like to do for what feels acceptable and conventional. I am super-aware of those shoulds and oughts but I am choosing to ignore them and enjoy my rebellion and my individuality. I’ll pay for it with a lot of sweeping a bit later in the year!
Can you relate to this? What do you dare to do despite your shoulds and oughts? Or is there something you would love to try, but the shoulds and oughts are stopping you? Could you change that? Could you dare to do what you really, really want to, despite that nagging voice? Do let me know!
Oh Harriet, I love this and it is so relevant for me just now. PJ is currently on his way to pick mother up from Bury St Edmunds coach station. She is coming down to help out as both of us have been unwell of late. Now usually, I charge round the house cleaning and tidying so we hardly recognise the place, getting it into an order to please mother. But this time, we just aren’t up to it. I am working and that leaves no energy for anything else and PJ is in strict convalescence… Like you our house is a happy muddle, not quite on the Weasley scale, but books, handbags, dogs, laptops, painting stuff on view. Its us. It looks loved in and represents our very laid back lifestyle. So…. Will mother genuinely help, by getting out the duster and the polish, or will we get tutted at and put into regimenatl order?
Wishing I had a virginia creeper…..
Much love
Juliana
You are welcome to a cutting! I hope you get the help you need; well done for resisting the urge to tidy first xxx
Oh blimey, I could relate to this!
Being tidy is my ‘ought’. I ought to be tidier, but I’m just not that kind of person.
Now, I know I’ve written for years that ‘not that kind of person’ is not enough of a reason, that the person can be changed, but in line with your post, I ‘choose’ to be messy.
I see it as wasting my time to be permanently tidying, and for what – so it gets messy again?
Anyway, I’ll stop before settling into rant mode – thanks for the reminder that it’s ok to ignore the ‘oughts!’
cheers, Gordon
Thanks Gordon, you have given me even more confidence! H
Love this post Harriet! I used to live in ‘should and ought land’ it was an exhausting place, lots of hills to climb, jobs to do, tasks to complete, the diet was strict and the people were bossy! I decided to leave. It was difficult at first, people said come back you haven’t finished your tasks yet! I stood my ground. I placed everything in storage and went on an adventure. Now I no longer obey any of the rules of ‘should and ought land’ I am not sure they will ever let me back in and I don’t mind one bit :)
Brilliant Kama I love that! Hopefully more and more people will come and join us in exile!